Lovely Awkward: A Year of Wine, Romance and Life Among the French

Lovely Awkward: A Year of Wine, Romance and Life Among the French

Sunday 24 January 2010

This is not real!

I went out to Pub Italia on Preston Street last night with a big group of friends. They were from different parts of my life, and different times, but everyone blended together well and we had a great time. We had some drinks and some food and talked about travel and crazy leaps for love.

As people started to leave, one by one, I got up to give them hugs. But when I wrapped my arms around the first person's coat, I realized that I haven't yet made this long-term leap. In my mind, I'm still not leaving for good.

Everyone here in Ottawa is still familiar and I still have so many ties to each of their lives. When I go to France on Monday, most of those ties will still be in tact. But slowly, they'll start to fray or snap or whatever happens. And that's when I'll be cut adrift. That's when I'll really be gone.

Luckily, there was one friend who came out last night who I hadn't seen in years. I have no idea how many. Two? Three? I'd known him since high school and last night, everything was the same as it always was. No ties were needed because my awareness of his daily activities has nothing to do with our friendship anymore.

I guess that will eventually be my relationship with Canada. When I'm a few months into this very real trip, some of the ties will snap. After a year, some will purposely be broken. I'll have to change my driver's licence and health card and make new friends. But some emotional connection will remain -- that strange, "we went through things together" connection that exists between old friends.

Just as I had no idea how to really say goodbye to my friends last night, I have no idea how to say goodbye to this country. I'm just going to imagine that I'll see them all again soon and hope that I don't cry to much when the reality hits me in France.

Tomorrow = day 1 of the real, true, pending, romantic, exciting new life.
(Although I'll be celebrating with a bag of peanuts and a movie on the plane.)


  1. Kerry! All the best in France. Maybe the next blog - you'll write it in Nice. You never know, let's get into the next chapter of your life....


  2. I almost cried the second time I landed in France, because it felt like I was home...

    Bon voyage et bon vol Kerry !

    - N.